Online Therapy for Adults across California, Arizona & TEXAS
Therapy for Guilt, Shame & Regret
Guilt is a feeling that you did something bad.
Shame is a feeling that you are bad.
Regret is wishing you could change what you did in the past.
Tired of carrying the weight?
I see you.
If you have relentless feelings of guilt, shame, or regret then you know that it feels like you are carrying a ton of rocks. They are heavy. You don’t like carrying them around, but somehow they feel necessary to carry. They’ve attached to you, like they belong to you and have become a part of you. You may feel like you have to hold onto them, study them, and obsess over them in order to somehow rectify the wrongs.
When people tell you “Just let it go” or “You just have to forgive yourself” - it doesn’t sit right with you.
It sounds nice, but not possible.
Intellectually you know that everyone makes mistakes, but somehow for you, it’s not allowed.
When guilt, shame or regret are excessive, they will impact your life….maybe you:
+ Over apologize, over accomodate, or People Please
+ did something that really hurt someone you love and can’t believe how you could make such a mistake, much less forgive yourself
+ are so scared to mess up again you feel paralyzed in time, questioning your decisions and overthinking every scenario
+ feel so hopeless and worthless you wish you were dead or consider ending your life
+ often feel guilty, mad at yourself or wonder if you are selfish
+ Feel some mistakes are really bad even though other people think are no big deal
+ get into thought spirals, obsessing over what you did or didn’t do, how it might have caused harm or made you look to others
+ seek reassurance, which feels good in the moment but never fully satisfies…and is taking a toll on your relationship
It feels like looking into a mirror that only shows your mistakes.
No matter how much you clean the mirror or dress yourself up, you only see your flaws and failures.
What We Can Do
Explore
The root cause
Understand the reasons why these feelings are so strong for you
identify
Solutions
Learn what to do with the feelings, so you can get on with your life
Find
Healing
Discover how to believe it’s possible to let things go, one by one
Excessive guilt, shame and regret block, restrict, and hold us back from all the good things in life.
My approach consists of educating you on how this belief system works so that you can know how to change it - in a way that is real and believable. I will guide you in finding specific, personalized strategies that will start to chip away at those rocks, first breaking them apart until you are ready to drop them for good.
In addition, I am convinced that in order to change and heal for good, we have to feel emotionally safe. Therefore, it is my job to create an environment where you feel safe, seen, and supported. I will be compassionate, I will always assume the best about you, and I will stay curious when talking about any problem, big or small, with you.
It is possible to love the person in the mirror…mistakes and all.
Therapy can help you:
01
Feel lighter and better able to “brush things off”
02
Feel genuine grace and peace with yourself and past decisions
03
Experience deeper love and connection with others
04
Know where your worth comes from and make decisions based on your values instead of your fears
Let’s get to work!
Trauma or abuse
Chronic self-doubt
Anger or irritability
Seeking constant reassurance
Perfectionism
Life changes/transitions
Common experiences related to guilt, shame and regret I can help you with:
Parenting
Causing harm (even unintentionally)
Body image
Unhealthy habits (i.e. overeating, overconsumption of media)
Infidelity
frequently asked questions
-
Only at your own pace. I will collaborate with you about when and how much you want to share. In order to recover from the past, there has to be reflection on what happened in order to reveal the areas needed to heal. We also will use coping strategies to build your tolerance for discomfort so the memories become less painful.
-
Yes, absolutely. I know how to uncover and identify the sources of the shame that often can be unconscious, coming from how we are conditioned and internalized messages over time.
-
I’ve worked with many clients experiencing suicidal thoughts. You won’t scare me away, and I won’t judge you. Suicidal thoughts are a way to cope with pain. I will meet you where you are with your pain. We will work through your pain together and as it resolves, so will these thoughts.
Due to my ethics code as a therapist and because I believe so strongly that suicide is preventable, if it is determined the risk is high, we together may discuss getting you extra support - and there are lots of options for what this looks like. The goal is always to keep you safe while respecting your autonomy.
-
Distraction can be effective in moving on, temporarily. The reason it comes back or replays is because it’s alerting you something is unresolved. It also has to do with the patterns in thinking your brain has developed over time. The good news is, our brain is capable of rewiring! We will figure out why it’s unresolved and I will show you how to change the thinking patterns.
-
No. Therapy will help you separate your actions from your identity and worth. Even though you may feel like a bad person, this is a lie your thoughts are telling you. I’ll show you how our thoughts and feelings work so you can learn to be more in control of them.